A mom’s worst fear

moms-worst-fear2I just read an article that made me reflect on two different occasions that will never be forgotten. That will always bring tears to my eyes and my stomach feel like its fallen into a pit.

Danger at the beach

You can read the article here. It’s about a boy who disappears within a few minutes of being at the beach and his rescue. If you are a parent, I recommend reading it. It is an example of how dangerous holes can be at the beach when dug really deep. This incident seemed to be a freak accident, but happens more than you think.

Lost And Found

The recent instant that made my heart stop, happened while window shopping at the mall. My husband and I had just walked out of pottery barn kids, when a couple started looking at each other and panicking. They immediately started yelling their son’s name and asking every one else to do the same. They had lost their child and you could see their whole world crashing down on them. I grabbed my son close and started calling the child’s name. The mom, in between calling for her child, was giving everyone his description. His age, height, what clothes he had on, etc. My husband and I started looking around the area. It felt like forever as each moment passed by. Someone in Godiva called the mall security. The mom pleaded for people to continue calling out her son’s name. Their other son, who looked to be about eight, was crying. You could tell he was scared. It was terrible. After what felt like a century, probably ten minutes, the boy was found by mall security. They had swept both floors. It was a heart-warming moment to see the mom reunited with her son. I am glad that the little boy was wearing brightly colored clothes, as I am sure it helped greatly in him being found.

a normal day gone wrong

The other occasion that will never escape my mind no matter how much I would like it too, happened when my son was 4 weeks old.

It was the worst morning of my life. The day was going the same as any other I-have-a-new-baby day. The morning was a mix of nursing and trying to clean up, while carrying my son around. After nursing I went to the kitchen to clean my nipple shield. If you don’t know what that is, google it. I feel like more moms should know about them. For some people it can make the difference on if you can breastfeed or not. It is what made breast-feeding possible for me. Due to a traumatic birth, my son did not learn to latch on correctly (his mouth and lips were severely bruised and swollen-but that’s a whole other story in itself). After cleaning my nipple shield, I went and grabbed a paper towel to dry it off. During this time Landon was hanging out on my hip, as we pretty much did everything together, lol. In this process something happened that could have ended my son’s and even my life, his foot brushed the stove knob. We have a gas stove, so when his foot turned the knob it turned the gas on, but not the burner. Therefore, gas was leaking into the house and I had no idea. After nursing, I decided it was a good time to give Landon a bath. We went upstairs and I gave him a bath. He loves bath time so we played a while in the tub. Then, I went to the nursery and got him dressed and played some more because he was being A-DOR-ABLE. Then, I decided to go back downstairs for a quick nursing session before trying to get Landon to take a nap. As I was walking down the steps the smell of gas hit.me.in.the.face.hard….

I remained relatively calm (at this point) even though I was totally freaking out. I turned off the stove, opened the back door, and got the dogs and Landon and I out of the house. I sat outside and called my husband to figure out how long the house needed to air out. When I called him Landon was just cuddling in my arms and making sweet baby sounds. While on the phone, Landon went to sleep. That’s when the panic inside me swelled to a life-crushing force.

My baby did not just fall asleep in my arms. He fought sleep for hours typically. I told my husband I had to go, my voice broke. He knew something was wrong.

I immediately hung up and tried to wake Landon up. I wanted him awake until the gas nightmare was over. I spoke to him and nudged him gently. He did not wake up.

I called 911. I was crying at this point. My heart had broken. I just kept saying, “Landon wake up for mommy, Landon please wake up for mommy”. Meanwhile, my chihuahua and boxer are looking at me like, “What’s wrong mom?” The 911 lady kept asking me questions that frustrated and scared me. I just wanted her to send help. She kept asking questions as if, she thought my baby was dead. I kept telling her I could see his chest rising and falling but could not actually feel his breath and could not wake him up. His breathing was very shallow. Knowing he was breathing did not comfort me. I needed to see him awake and alert. I needed that more than I needed air. Since, I was outside I got the water hose and gently sprayed a little bit of water on Landon’s head. He did not wake up.

This is when my world really feel apart. I felt so much at once. We had a rough start of things in those 4 weeks, but we were fighters. We had not come so far in new-baby-world for something so minor as a turn of a knob to tear our lives apart. I knew he had to be ok, but that didn’t stop all the fear in the world to rise up inside of me. I cried and looked at my precious little baby boy in my arms and wished that he could really be sleeping. That he was just really tired and that’s why he was in this abnormal slumber where I couldn’t wake him up.

Eventually, the fire department arrived. It felt like ages. I think it was about 5-6 minutes from the time I called. They opened all the windows (on both floors) and gave Landon oxygen. I actually think he had begun to wake up by the time I handed him over to the firefighters. They looked him over and let me know that he was fine. His oxygen levels were normal. He was finally awake and acting like himself. I felt better. But honestly, my heart had fallen so far in my stomach that it took a while, DAYS, to make its ascent back into its normal place in my chest.

Landon and I rode to the hospital in the back of an ambulance. I finally called my husband back to explain everything. He met us at the hospital (he had left work when I had got off the phone so abruptly).

In the end, Landon was fine. No real damage had occurred except to my nerves and a window treatment that was broken during the firefighters haste to get the windows open. A price I would pay a million thousand times to have a healthy little boy. That day a methane/natural gas detector was purchased along with kitchen knob baby-proof contraptions. I learned that it is a good idea to baby-proof even before your child can get into things. You never know what can happen when you have little ones!